Hi December,

Thanks so much for this in-depth comment!
Your point of view is, as usual, very refreshing and interesting. I believe the difference in E and F’s attitude towards Gríma is a question of vulnerability. Faramir may dislike some aspects of his life, but he never feels impotent about it. He trusts himself and therefore can trust others. Éowyn feels caged, like everyone can decide for her and she just can’t do anything about it (of course it’s wrong, but that’s the way she feels, I think), hence her aggressiveness. I believe if Éowyn had really felt free and happy, she would never have answered in that way; she would have shown both kindness and pity. But I guess she pitied herself too much to have much feeling for others’ suffering, especially in the case of a man that had a lot of influence in the court and therefore might be able to threaten her in some way.
I think you’re right about Gríma, he would never have been happy in spite of his many qualities and the many people who loved or admired him; but neither would he have betrayed his country, but for Saruman. In fact to write this character I thought a lot about Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader, with Saruman as Palpatine and Gandalf as Yoda (the voice of reason that the hero won’t listen to). Anakin has a lot of qualities, but he just can’t stand that his mother (and later his wife) might die. And his desperate efforts to ensure that they live will make him turn to the Dark Side and in the end cause him to lose precisely what he was trying to preserve. The idea is that a person who cannot accept disappointment or suffering, who cannot survive on his/her own, is bound to be unhappy. And if it is a powerful person, someone can use that desperate need to bend them to their will. As did Saruman.
And yes, I expect a relationship with Gríma would be as happy as Padme’s relationship with Anakin (he ends up trying to strangle her). Thankfully Faramir had more sense than that!

Even though the ending is on a clear hopeful note, I’m still left with the stuffy heavy feeling that’s been growing since about the second page of your story… I don’t know what to attribute the larger part of it to: Grima’s tale itself or rather Eowyn’s reactions as she learns it. On the one hand, it’s of course very understandable why she’s so much harsher towards him than Faramir: Faramir had known him in the better years, and was never threatened by him like Eowyn, but still… I find very sad the irony that Grima likened F and E, whereas the two show themselves so differently when it comes to him.

To think of it, they both had refused him, but their thoughts on doing so are exactly the opposite. Faramir had waited for so long, hoping Grima would get the message, and then said only the obvious thing: that G’s feelings were inappropriate, which in their society indeed they were. And still, more than 10 years later, Faramir is twisting with guilt for hurting G so, and even thinks that his love might have saved G. But Eowyn… she’s like, what did he expect, I was only being honest with him…

I find your characterisation of Grima very realistic and very canon-friendly, even though you’ve given a whole new side to him that Tolkien had never mentioned. On the one hand, it’s nice to think that G was, at least in his heart, a better man than one would initially deem him – but on the other, it is all the more painful to think on what he’d come to at the end of his path. I think it was a good choice to stop his narration where you did and not describe his further descent into personality deterioration. It’s like this journal is the diary of the real Grima, what was in him good or at least sincere, and once he completely falls under Saruman’s spell, the diary stops.

I suppose part of my sadness originates from knowing that G did not have a chance of a happy ending, that it was not merely a twist of fate or some coincedence that led him to his doom. Of course, Saruman had chosen to come to him at exactly the best moment for S’s plan to work – but even without S at all, G would’ve never been happy. It’s quite clear he’s a seriously disturbed man. I find it quite staggering, how wide is the gap between F’s description of him at the beginning of the story, and how G sees himself. F was basically rendered speechless by his charm and authority, and says how both women and men found him attractive (which must have been so indeed, for G to get all that experience he later speaks of), and how he was trusted by the king – but G himself constantly, constantly is moping about how nobody loves him, and nobody cares, and everybody thinks poorly of him. And he consistently chooses people who just cannot return his feelings, but even when his lack of chance with them becomes evident, instead of saying, ‘well, to h#ll with you’, he grows 10 times more obsessive than before and starts boiling in spite and hurt, and losing his sleep fretting what they think of him, etc. Even if there was no Faramir and Eowyn, I have a strong feeling he would have found himself someone else to idolise, someone in whom to put all his hopes, to whom to tie up his sense of self-worth – to then have it all crumble and fall in on itself like a card-house.

All this makes me really wonder about Grima and want to learn why he is… well, the way he is. I must say I’d never before been interested in him, deeming him a character with whom ‘everything is clear’ if you know what I mean. But you’ve given him an intriguing, thought-provoking contradictoriness of personality that makes one want to pry even deeper into his past and the circumstances of his life to try and understand why he is like this…

And much as I want to be sympathetic towards Grima, I can’t help but think that Faramir is really better off having refused him (or having been unable to accept, him you could say). A realtionship with G, I have a feeling, would have been quite a nightmare, even all the social risks put aside…

Well, I’m glad you liked the story. I would have liked you to beta it (I am sure you helped me improve Sinful Secrets a lot), but I suspected you were the recipient… However, you’re welcome to point out anything that could be bettered, I’ve been told there’s no rule against editing the story after publication.
And yes, it was fun to work on this. I had never had the occasion to explore Gríma’s personality, and it was quite interesting to do so. I also notice I ended up featuring two het relationships as well as the main slash one… and even some femslash. That was because your request allowed me a lot of freedom, for which I am most grateful, as I have said. Especially since it was my first Swap.

As to the length of the story, these things have a way of getting out of hand. I certainly don’t mind.
On first read, it was an incredible, completely new view of Grima. I always want to see something more, because he wasn’t just an Evil man—there was always more. Your idea of how he might have come to do what he did is plausible and interesting. Can’t help but feel for the man as Faramir and Eowyn did. I like the complex characterization of him, as well as your portrayals of Faramir and especially Eowyn.
Well done.